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Even though the Inhumans have existed for years, many still see them as Marvel's attempted replacement for the X-Men recently, since Marvel Film Studios can't seem to buy back the film rights after having sold them to FOX back in the 90's. Anyone who has been following the second Civil War event can clearly see that marvel is shoving these heroes and their stories down reader's throats, finding ways to shoehorn their plot lines into every other story, including the X-Men.

The overwhelming consensus of the Inhumans in comics on places like Reddit and G+ is that they really don't give a shit. They don't hate the Inhumans, but at the same time, they aren't particularly liked, either. To me, they kind of suck from a storyteller's perspective, which I can only speculate is part of the reason most people don't care about these characters.

  • The plot of the inhumans is boring.

The Inhumans are the result of a Kree alien experiment on earth thousands of years ago. The Inhumans get their powers when they're exposed to the Terragen Myst, and live in a secret city, isolated from the rest of the world, where the biggest source of conflict and motivation is to propagate their species. To me, this comes off as the most uninteresting setup for a story I could possibly imagine. A story where your biggest concern regarding your people is who you're going to fuck next is the kind of plot you would expect from a late 90's comedy starring Ryan Reynolds.

Now, contrast that with the X-men, who are a group of heroes born with a mutant gene that gives them extraordinary powers by the time they hit puberty. The sheer scope of their powers, coupled with the reputation for mutants with great power to turn to commit acts of crime has resulted in a warranted fear and prejudice from the Human majority, who often try to protest and legislate them out of the general population. Their story is far more interesting, because the plot puts them at odds with the rest of humanity in a way that practically writes itself. The humans hate the Mutants, so fear-mongering and religious propaganda puts them at odds with special interest groups who seek to destroy them. Not only is attempting to integrate them into society a good thing from a storytelling perspective, but giving them the status of an oppressed minority group within that society provides so many opportunities for social commentary. The Inhumans have none of that.

  • The characters suck

Okay, Maybe not all of them suck, but most of them do for various reasons, not the least of which is the fact that most of them come off as selfish assholes. They are boring as shit, many of them have completely interchangeable personalities, and just plain aren't interesting at all.

I was just reading The first issue of the Uncanny Inhumans, where Black Bolt; the King of the Inhumans; tries to get his son back from Kang the Conqueror, after having sold his son to Kang in order to save his life. What really stuck out for me while reading this story is that the only characters that really stood out as being memorable was the ones who weren't Inhuman. Beast (an X-MAN) was the most level-headed, rational individual while Jonny Storm (Fantastic Four) was the most forward-thinking and likable character in the story, who ended up taking the most initiative. Reader was the only Inhuman who came off as being a relate-able character.

To top it all off, we get a shot of Medusa Making out with Johnny Storm, as Black Bolt walks in on them. Jonny is naturally on the defensive, while Medusa is being a colossal cunt about the situation. The reason I bring this up is because this is a microcosm of a much bigger problem with the inhuman cast of characters, which is that they are all kinda dicks anyway. There are no sympathetic characters in their stories, just a bunch of self-absorbed pricks who get put in whatever situation the plot needed them to be in.

The X-Men and Fantastic 4 all have compelling character Dynamics. They are able to bounce personality traits off of each-other in order to weave a coherent story with believable characters. The Inhumans are lead by Black Bolt, who doesn't even fucking talk, while the supporting characters are either knob-heads, assholes, or are so bland that you could literally switch dialogue bubbles out on a whim and have no idea who's personality is being projected through the dialogue.

  • Inhumans have no villains.

Like I said before, The most pressing issue the Inhumans have is the necessity to propagate their species. Pretty much every villain or catastrophe they have ever faced came from a more popular story from another book that got shoehorned into somehow being the InHuman's problem. This way, the writers could use the popularity of other IPs to sell their books. The InHumans don't even have a single InHuman antagonist, besides the occasional erectile dysfunction, and possibly low sperm count.

Contrast that with the X-Men, who almost always have antagonists within their own gene pool, ranging from class 5 Mutants like Magneto to literal God-like beings like Apokalipse!

People have been saying that the Uncanny Inhumans are a step up in storytelling for the franchise, but the only reason that appears to be the case in my opinion, is because Characters with actual character were injected into these stories like Beast and the Human Torch. Had the InHumans been left to handle the Kang issue in Uncanny InHumans #1 by themselves, they would all have been erased from history, and the book would have likely been canceled.

Why Nobody Cares About the Inhumans

Marvel is killing it at the box office recently, outselling DC at every turn so far in that regard. To me, it has a lot to do with Marvel's ability to weave their colossal marketing machine into some very coherent storytelling. The comics, in my opinion, have been taking a very clear dive in the quality of their storytelling; preferring to follow whatever trends the movies create instead of their own, or trying to promote a political message at the cost of coherent storytelling. Here are the top 3 Thing that suck about Marvel Comics these days.

Too much trending, not enough innovating.

The second Civil War event just got released at the tail end of the most recent Captain America film, which very loosely follows the events of the first civil war Comic event from 2002, and with the way things are going, it looks pretty obvious that this story is just an excuse to piggyback off of the runaway success of the Civil War film in order to push the Inhumans to readers, who would otherwise not give a shit.

The story revolves around a young Inhuman who can see the future. Captain Marvel and Iron Man have a very contrived and unrealistic civil war as to how, or even if the Inhuman's power should be used to prevent crimes before they happen. Captain Marvel, very unrealistically and completely uncharacteristically, supports using an Inhuman in order to prevent crimes before they happen, whereas Iron Man (of all fucking people) is against this idea. Hi-jinx ensue, War Machine dies just so that the writers can have a very contrived reason to have the two sides get into fisticuffs, and the rest is history.

We saw a very similar thing happen around the release of X-Men: Days of Future Past with the Avengers vs. XMen event comic. A Mutant with the power of the phoenix Force is caught in a power struggle between a nut-job Scott Summers (Cyclops), and a very apprehensive and seemingly disinterested Captain America over how the Phoenix Force should be used.

These contrived events serve only to establish very poorly constructed excuses to get the heroes to fight each-other. Much like what we saw in the Batman v Superman film, these scenarios rely too heavily upon lame, virtually non-existent motivation for the characters to do any of the things that lead up to the fight. This isn't merely an issue of bad writing: its bad writing with the purpose of marketing a scenario that makes no sense.

Characters with no Character

I've written a lot about how the majority of marvel's writers, with the exception of Joss Whedon, Geoff Johns ,and possibly Jonathan Hickman seem to have written the character and personality out of the Marvel Universe. Reading Civil War II was a perfect example of how characters and dialogue can be written in such a way as to be completely interchangeable between people who are saying them. Every piece of dialogue was basically the same, and no humanity seemed to leak through in any of the interactions between them.

What the vast majority of marvel stories need -but seem to lack depending on who's writing the script- are archetypes. Archetypes are a component of character dynamics in creative writing. It usually implies that the characters in any story emote varying quirks and personality traits in order to convey a sense of diversity in any group of characters in the story. Stephen King, J.J. Abrams and Stephen Spielberg all have their set of individuals in a group that provide a different character dynamic, sometimes similar to how Moon Knight's multiple Personalities work.

Spider Man has always been a good example of why characterization of a superhero is a good thing. Spider Man was not just a guy who had super strength and swung from buildings n' shit: He was a funny person, had an upbeat disposition, and a deep code of ethics. Of course, some writers -especially in the mid 90's- found every excuse in the world to make him a dark brooding emo kid with a billion different clones, but people remembered him for his character more than anything. The way most marvel writers seem to write characters now, had their dialogue not been illustrated in a bubble next to the character's face, there would be no way of telling them apart. Hell, most writers before and even DURING the Civil War event from 2002 forgot how to write Tony Stark for years until the Iron Man film from 2008 gave him his personality back.

There is a reason why characters like SpiderMan, Iron Man and Thor stand out, (even prior to the Marvel film universe,) more than characters like Blade, Ghost Rider, and even Dare Devil: The ladder's personalities don't separate them from any other stoic dark-age superhero.

Political Bias over good storytelling

I bring up the first Civil War event a lot, because in my opinion, it marks a turning point in Marvel's quality of storytelling that shifted away from stories and toward making very heavy-handed political commentary.

The first Civil War started off strong, with a group of idiots attempting to apprehend a super villain in his home for a reality TV show, winded up causing the deaths of thousands of innocent people, many of whom were children at a nearby school. Next thing you know, the Superhero Registration Act McGuffen is introduced, pinning the pro registration crowd led by Iron Man against the Anti Registration crowd led by Captain America. Sparks fly, A character nobody cared about dies, and this sparks the flame that ignites a Civil war pinning two factions of heroes against each-other in a very compelling, reasonable, and very well thought out story, with both sides of the debate raising compelling arguments for their position, until later on when everything went to shit.

There was a point in the Civil War story where it stopped remaining neutral about its argumentation, and started going full-on Alex Jones, with the plot and narrative sticking firmly on the side of Captain America, as Tony Stark began advocating, and even facilitating the indefinite detention of Anti-registration members, the fucking SLAVERY of Convicted super villains, and at one point there was some very disturbing imagery of Spider Woman's child being forcibly removed from her, (presumably to be orphaned as a ward of the state,) as she is imprisoned in an internment camp.

I feel that Marvel, as a whole, have lost their touch when it comes to telling a story of compelling conflict, especially nowadays. The focus seems to be overwhelmingly toward forcing a particular point of view, rather than encouraging us to relate to a character's struggle.

There was a point in Angela:Queen of Hel story line where both Angela and Sera stumble upon Bor, the father of Odin, presumably giving the most racist, sexist and anti-Israeli speech in the entire universe or whatever. Of course, we're never going to know what was said, since the narrator of the story decide to censor that part, straight up offending the Male Rights Activists and conservative members of the book's audience with a very cheap and inappropriate excuse to project a straw-man argument into the antagonist of the story.

Not surprisingly, the series was canceled after only four issues due to having some of the poorest sales numbers in the Marvel Lineup.

Anyone who has ever read this series can tell right away that it uses the myths of the Celtic legends as a platform to promote two lesbian protagonists, a very left-leaning narrative, and not much else. This series is a perfect example of a writer who cares more about promoting political propaganda than telling a compelling story, and I see this trend bleeding over into the rest of the Marvel Comics universe.

Marvel seems to be more concerned with how politically correct their cast of heroes are than actually telling good stories with good characters. With the All New, All Different lineup, there is far more emphasis on who is Gay, Lesbian, a woman, or Black than what their characters might convey to their readers. Characters like Falcon don't fall into this category in my opinion, because much like Captain Marvel, both were already legendary heroes who took up the mantle after their partners died, so they earned the right to do so. Jane Foster's Thor, however, did not.

Female Thor was shoehorned into the role of the god of thunder due to the writer's biased attempt to push a female protagonist in a role popularized by a man, which is frankly disrespectful, and far more Misogynist than the writers might have intended. It implies that a woman needs to appropriate the power and success of a man to succeed, which is bullshit.

Captain Marvel came off as a better transition to me, because Mar-Vell had already been dead for years, and even though the original adaptation of Carol Danvers as Ms. Marvel saw her admiring Mar-Vell as a love interest and gaining his powers, but also addresses this issue by developing the Carol Danvers character as someone who had to overcome the loss of her boyfriend and gain the confidence to honor his legacy. The Jane Foster Thor plot line just says "fuck you, Odinson, You're not worthy" and he loses his power on a whim, implying it was because the power of Thor somehow gave Jane 'plot convenience cancer' or some bullshit.

Say what you want about DC dropping the ball at the box office lately; they seem to be much more focused on telling a story in a comic book than telling you what to think.

3 Things That Suck About Marvel Comics

Over the past week, people have been getting triggered as hell over a fathers day T-shirt from the summer Old Navy collection. The graphical T of doom and oppression is embroiled with a set of words that say "It's Father's Day" at first glance, but upon closer inspection, also reads "it's really her day".

I gotta be honest here. As a man, having recognized how disproportionately women are favored in the family unit for the most part, and how fathers are almost always screwed in family court, I understand why this would piss people off. Just last year, an Angel Soft ad got a huge swarm of negativity after it very clearly dismisses fathers with their "Happy Father's day, Mom" ad hit YouTube. It would be easy to see how people can connect the dots and see a clear hostility in the mainstream media toward Fathers.

As a man, I can understand why this would be offensive, but the comedian in me won't allow me to get offended by it. Unlike the bullshit Angel Soft ad from last year, this very clearly looks like some satire. Sure, the Joke is kinda lame and doesn't really work, but not because it's offensive; it's because it really isn't funny enough to get away with it.

Part of me has to wonder how much of this outrage is just people looking for any excuse imaginable to get offended by something. My generation has been chomping at the bit to claim some sort of oppressed minority status ever since we started entering a college environment. It's gotten so bad that literally saying hello to a woman is considered fucking rape culture.

There are a lot more legitimately offensive things out there than someone's fucking shirt.

People Getting Offended by a Shirt Again (Old Navy Edition)

I never knew about Stream.ME until I watched an hour-and-a-half long debate on YouTube, between Killer Keemstar of the smash hit show Drama Alert, and Rich of ReviewTechUSA: One of the oldest commentary-over-videogame footage channels on YouTube. At one point, between Rich utterly DESTROYING Keemstar in that debate, Keem felt the need to assert his vast wealth and prominence, via the royalties he gets from Stream.ME.

E-penis-waving contest aside, the thought that there could be a viable alternative to streaming outside of Twitch and Hitbox intrigued me. As it turns out, it Really is a legit streaming website.

There are some weird drawbacks though. For one, there are three forms of currency one has to juggle on the website like some shitty Android game designed for the sole purpose of milking a user's wallet. (*COUGHcoughMobileStrikecoughCOUGH*) You have your real cash, your "sparkles", and last, and certainly least, your Unicorns, with no real balance or differentiation between the perceived value of any of them.

You have a limited number of comments you can make in a stream for some reason, with no clear indicator of when you've reached a limit, or if there is even a limit at all. For all I know, this is either a glitch, or it has nothing to do with the user. 

The one good thing about Stream.ME that stands out is that the streaming works well. Full HQ, little to no lag spikes... It's pretty much Twitch with a more clear and Focused user interface that utilizes more of the screen real-estate. 

I decided to write about it because this website should have more attention than its getting, in my opinion. To have this level of diverse competition on the web between social media websites like this is an important aspect of capitalism I feel is missing from video sharing websites like YouTube, where their only competition is bullshit like DailyMotion. Y'all need to check this out.



Imagine not hearing any sound coming from the game while streaming. That's YouTube Gaming app.

I never liked the idea of live streaming mobile games. Partly because the logistics behind getting the stream working and functional were too complicated, and partly the fact that I wasn't interested in seeing a face-cam placed awkwardly underneath the inevitably overweight twelve year old kids nostrils during a Minecraft walkthrough.

That being said, and the current landscape of Android gaming being the spam laden micro transaction Ponzi scheme that it is, I couldn't help but try to make it work myself, using YouTube's Gaming app.

In case you've been living under a bomb shelter in a parallel universe, YouTube Gaming was a platform aiming to rip off, with some of YouTube's own UI and video functions thrown in there, just to remind you of how much of a pointless re-skin this website really is, and if the Android port of YouTube's Gaming app is any indication, this whole platform is about as useful to mobile gaming as polio is to a fucking firefighter.

Opening the app for the first time clues you in on the kind of innovative ideas present during the development of this app, when you notice how it's obviously just YouTube with a darker theme, and only shows gaming related videos. It doesn't quite become a pile of shit on the corpse of a dead elephant in my mind until I realized that my stream looked like this:

By the way, that was the UNEDITED full recording of the stream, from start to finish. No, you didn't just have a stroke, that was the entire stream. Now after watching that clip, if you weren't expecting a phone call telling you that you would die in 7 days, you were probably wondering why the stream looked less like gameplay footage and more like a PowerPoint presentation. You see, streams on YouTube and elsewhere have the ability to skip parts of the video where the connection cuts off or lags.

What you just saw was a clip of footage a little over 5 minutes long, but since YouTube doesn't record lag, ended up getting chopped and cut like it was the intro to a mid 90's NuMetal soundtrack.

It doesn't take a molecular physicist to know that compared to most gaming streams involving a console or a gaming PC, this looks about as stable as the dead wife of the protagonist of the P.T. demo trying to walk down a flight of stairs.

And no, it wasn't the stream quality, because I tried the same shit using both the 1080p and 480p stream options, and they are both the fucking same when they get uploaded by YouTube after the stream ends.

And before you even say it this was attempted on at least 3 devices, two of which are Motorola phones, and one of them was a Nexus.

It's entirely possible that this type of game casting is only compatible with a handful of devices thus far, making the foray into live Streaming with the app unreliable and a freaking gamble to say the least.

I dunno.

YouTube Gaming App Sucks (And Here's Why)

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